What dya Think?
Posted on | June 28, 2009 | No Comments
OK, so it’s been over two freakin’ years since we posted anything. Well dang it, that’s just way too long!
You see, the issue is, we really like this name, (Nasal Oranges) but just haven’t figured out what we want to do with it yet. We did do a little bit of remodeling and have put this site into our project plan. (OK, so all you PMP project managers out there are saying, “So what? I’ve got a helluva lot in my project plans that NEVER gets done.” – Hey, we can dig it.)
What we do know is that with a name like Nasal Oranges, it’s probably not going to be something serious, like a political blog, or a “journalist” sniffin’ celebrity butt all day. Don’t get pissed–we know a lot of people really like that shit–to each his own, ya know. Fortunately, in some parts of the world you can still like what you want, or say what you want without getting your head whacked off in the national soccer stadium.
Anyway back to OUR serious business–we think Nasal Oranges would be a helluva name for a rock and roll band. What’dya think?
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OJ
Tags: band names > celebrity > getting whacked > journalist > pmp > project managment > rock and roll > soccer
Gideon Sets Up Campaign Headquarters on MySpace
Posted on | April 29, 2007 | No Comments
What the Heck??????
Conservative nutcase Em Gideon has announced his candidacy for President of the United States. The Colorado Congressman, a little to the right of Ghengis Khan, has established his campaign headquarters in the popular web destination MySpace. We wouldn’t waste our time going there, but if you want, you can visit him at http://myspace.com/gideon2008.
Go and crack a nut!
Idols Time Warp – February 9, 1964
Posted on | April 16, 2007 | No Comments
9 Feburary 1964
York Broadcast Network (YBN) Presents….
Welcome to the very first Idols Time Warp programme. We’ve traveled to the Colonies so that our panel of distinguished judges can provide their assessment of a new pop music phenomenon. Four young lads, subjects of HRM Elizabeth, from Liverpool are shaking things up overseas. Tonight’s programme comes to us from a studio at 30 Rockefeller Center, New York, New York, USA. Our host is Reggie Sturgeonfish, famous star from the YBN reality show “Ugly Boyfriends I’d Never Marry.â€
Reggie:
Tonight’s special guests have taken the world by storm, selling millions of vinyl records, and are beginning their invasion of America. But first, let’s introduce the important people… our judges. Bouncing through time, Simeon Cruel has has served as the slavemaster on a Roman Galley, a thumb twister/nail ripper during the Spanish Inquisition, and the inventor of 1980s German techno-pop.
Simeon:
(Snarls, and strokes his hair.) I’m so happy to be here on the first programme of Idols Time Machine, because it gives me the opportunity to tell millions about something very important… myself. I was born … [Editors note: 35 pages of the transcript deleted here. We felt safe in doing so because Simeon can’t read.]
Reggie:
Paulina Sinbad once married an aging rock star who died of an overdose of Boston Creme Pie, she now hawks her own line of beauty products on late-night infomercials between ITW episodes.
Paulina:
(Caresses cheek) Sinbad Sinful Skin Solution keeps me smooth and silky. My cheeks are as soft and moist as my…
Reggie:
Er… Our last judge, Dandy Jacknife, is down with it, dawg, you know what I’m talkin’ about? Dandy is a session musician who has played with every major entertainer in the known universe. One of his dearest memories is playing backup on clavinet for W.A. Mozart.
Dandy:
If it’s music, I know it, dawg. As they say in the biz, it’s good, or it’s not good. I know good when I hear it.
Reggie:
Thanks, judges. I’m sure the world-wide audience is thrilled to meet you all. (Looks to the audience…) And now, our musical guests for the evening. In less than three hours, they’ll be appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show, broadcast to the entire United States, but WE HAVE THEM FIRST! John, Paul, George… and Richard… in a band named after insects… The Beatles…
[Editor’s Note: Copyright law prohibits us from including the lyrics or music from the songs played. However, here is a summary of the action:
John smiles, winks and sings. We think his guitar is German, it has a German sounding name Rickensomething… Sorry girls, John is married.
It is really too bad that we cannot post the song lyrics here, because no one in the theater can hear them. No one can hear the band either, for some reason instead of being filled with human beings, the audience is almost entirely fourteen-year-old girls. They scream, and scream, and…. [Editor’s note within the Editor’s note: Sorry, we digress]
Paul is playing a small violin backwards. He shakes his head a lot and says O-o-o-o-oh. Each shake of his unstylishly long locks extracts a new frenzy from the throng.
George is quiet. He plays a guitar [the Editor wonders why there are no real instruments, like a Bassoon or Flugle horn, in the band] that looks bigger than he is, and smiles a lot.
Richard, the drummer, is the least attractive of the four young men. [If the Editor caught this young man with his fourteen-year-old daughter, there would be hell to pay.] He calls himself Ringy or something. [Editor: why can’t you just use the name your parents gave you?]
The music has stopped and an hour later the girls have stopped screaming. Now we can continue wit the programme.]
Reggie:
Well, boys, that was simply amazing. Just think how good it would have been if we could have heard you.
John:
You know that’s been…
Reggie:
Let’s go to someone who has something important to say… Judge Dandy Jacknife. Dandy?
Dandy:
Paul, dawg! What’s with the backwards violin? Is that supposed to be a bass? I’ve played bass. I played bass for both David Bowie and Wolfie Mozart. None of ‘em looked like that. Why backwards? Didn’t anybody tell your parents that with the right amount of discipline and punishment, your left-handedness could be corrected?
Paulina:
(Arches her back to accentuate her chestical endowments as she speaks.) Peter?
Paul:
It’s Paul.
Paulina:
Ok, Patrick…
Paul:
It’s Paul.
Paulina:
Whatever, and what’s with the head shaking thing? Do you have an ear infection? I have a yellow Labrador retriever who shakes his head like that when he has an ear infection.
Paul:
It’s just a thing I do, ya know. The girls seem to like it.
Simeon:
What is with the accent? Does HRM Elizabeth know that you’re traveling the world, representing the Empire, and speaking in a voice that reeks of the working class?
Paul:
It’s just a thing we do, ya know. The girls seem to like it.
Dandy:
Simeon, dawg. What’s with this British class thing. Look around you. You’re in New York City… My town… These four boys are about to go on the tube in front of the greatest audience in the world… American teenagers. [Editor’s note: American teenagers seem to watch the telly more hours per week than anyone else in the world.]
Simeon:
On the tube? How much of an audience can you put in an underground rail car?
Paulina, Dandy:
Huh?
Simeon:
You said they were going on the tube. The tube. T-U-B-E… trains… underground… how do you Americans say… DUH??
Dandy:
You’re an idiot, dawg. A tube is a subway???
Paulina:
(Snorts) How fun! Does that mean a subway SNAFU during rush hour means having your tubes tied???? (snork, snork, snork…)
Dandy:
(to Simeon) The tube is a television, you pompous British ass!
Simeon:
Oh, the telly…
Paulina:
Telly Savalas? I loved Kojak! Did you ever see the one where Dabney Coleman had hair and wanted to blow up his cranky wife? Who loves ya, baby?
Reggie:
We’re running sort. We’d like to have interviewed all of the band members, but it’s highly unlikely that these four unkempt young lads have a future in the business, so why waste everybody’s time. Closing words from the judges?
Simeon:
Your songs are rubbish. Your playing is terrible, and your drummer looks odd. I think Her Majesty would be ashamed to have you representing Great Britain. Go back to art school or wherever it was you came from.
Dandy:
Ignore Simeon… he’s full of himself… and himself is crap! Nice work on the funny looking violin, even if you do play it backwards, Paul. George, your smile and quiet way are cute, but American girls will never go for it. They want a take-charge dawg. John, forget the snide comments or your career is toast. Your drummer looks odd.
Paulina:
(Stretches… leans back) What hotel are you in, boys? I might need a little help with a Brazilian bikini wax a little later tonight.
Reggie:
With that… next week. We’ll be back in Clovis, New Mexico on February 25, 1957 to hear another pop group named after insects… the Crickets.
Good night!
Idols Time Warp is a production of York Broadcast Network, a figment of the Chalice imagination…. Copyright 2007 Ron Chalice, all rights reserved.
Idols Update – First Programme Scheduled
Posted on | April 15, 2007 | No Comments
The transcript of the very first Idols Time Warp programme will be released at this location on Monday, April 16, 2007. We had considered posting actual video footage of the programme, but discovered that the video equipment and media did not reach a “level of sustainability” during the time travels. Even our digital voice recorder became distorted, and converted itself to an 8-track tape player on one early test of the system. We used digital voice recorders rather than video gear as test subjects because they are relatively cheap. And after paying Simeon Cruel’s salary, we don’t have that much budget left. One came back as a stylus and clay block, another returned as carved stone tablets… who could have known.
Therefore… you get transcripts. Painstakingly scribed by our note taker Geoff Chaucer.
The first programme comes from February 9, 1964 in the city of New York USA. Four of Her Royal Majesty’s subjects, named John, Paul, George, and Richard, will perform for our judges.
Tune In Tomorrow!!!!!
Idols Hires Sturgeonfish as Host
Posted on | March 15, 2007 | No Comments
More Idols news… (NasalOranges News Service). Idols Time Warp producer Soloman “Snake” Lipschitz of York Broadcast Network (YBN) announced today that York has signed former Reality Star Reggie Sturgeonfish as the host of Idols Time Warp. You will remember that Sturgeonfish took home the first prize in “Ugly Boyfriends I’d NEVER Marry” also on YBN.
We’ll keep our rinds peeled for more news from YBN.
 This NewsFlash was sponsored by Sailor The Dog.
Simeon Cruel Claims to be Bigger Than the Bossman!
Posted on | March 15, 2007 | No Comments
Idols Time Warp judge Simeon Cruel claimed today that HE should be worth five times more than the King of New Jersey. He basically stated that every record sold in the world is sold because of his interviews on Idols Time Warp! Gee that’s a big statement. If by some extremely rare chance it might happen to be within lightyears of truth, imagine what he could do if he actually had any talent?
SqueezeMe!
Idols Time Warp – What Is It?
Posted on | March 9, 2007 | No Comments
The Idols Time Warp allows you to eavesdrop on a global talent contest that spans the boundaries of time!
Listen as our three judges, Simeon Cruel, Paulina Sinbad, and Dandy Jacknife comment on upcoming superstars of the day.
Background on the Judges:
Simeon Cruel:Â Bouncing through time, Simeon has served as the slavemaster on a Roman Galley, a thumb twister/nail ripper during the Spanish Inquisition, and the inventor of 1980s German techno-pop.
Paulina Sinbad:Â Once married to an aging rockstar who died of an overdose of Boston Creme Pie, Paulina now hawks her own line of beauty products on late-night infomercials between ITW episodes.
Dandy Jacknife: Dandy is down with it, dawg, you know what I’m talkin’ about? Dandy is a session musician who has played with every major entertainer in the known universe. One of his dearest memories is playing backup on clavinet for W.A. Mozart.
Watch this category!Â
Upcoming episodes include:
- The Beatles
- The Rolling Stones
- Buddy Holly
- Elvis Presley
See which of these newcomers can become famous and successful entertainers in the Idols Time Warp universe!
If you have a famous musician or singer out of the past or future, let us know!
What the Heck Is a Nasal Orange?
Posted on | March 9, 2007 | No Comments
These people think they know. If you have an answer, post a comment! (comments don’t require registration, but all comments will be moderated)
“A band from Biloxi, used to play up to Red’s Roadhouse on Highway 87,”Â
- Big Edd Hunklebottom, Shreveport, Louisiana
“Those little oranges, come 15-20 in a fishnet bag,”
- Henrietta Wapsmatter, St. Cloud, Minnesota
“What ya get when ya laughin’ and tryin’ to drink Tropicana at the same time. Squirts out ya nose.”
- Hale Heartly, Merrimack, New Hampshire
“I am not knowing for exactly, but is much good with nice, chilled Stolichnaya.”
- Yuri Gregor Kandinskilassovich, Kiev, Ukraine.
“They are evil little creatures from the mouth of hell!”
- Lincoln Tremain Rubideaux, Everglades, Florida
Please tell us what YOU think!
What The Heck Is This Place?
Posted on | March 9, 2007 | No Comments
a starting point….